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Monday, January 29, 2007

Turn & Face the Strain

Uncle Mark spoke about change in his sermon yesterday, about how even though Ecclesiastes says there is nothing new under the sun, change is always going on all around us. It was a great sermon, in fact it was one of the best I've heard in a while.

Christie mentioned something to the effect of "he read my mind" as she wonders where she's going to be working, & where's she's going to be living. I both envy her & worry for her, as sometimes I think it'd be great to start something new & unforeseen, but at the same time I'm comfortable where I'm at now & it would scare me to death to start something new.

After the service, I was trying to think of songs about change, & as usual, I can think only of mostly Bob Dylan songs. Maybe all songs are about change, from being in one place & being moved to another by any kind of internal or external force. These changes could come from a woman, a job, the prospect of more money, from greed or want or lust, the need for change could come from the devil or it could come from the Lord.

Today, a new employee started at work. Again, I'm torn between enjoying a new challenge & distraught at the possiblity of working with someone who I may or may not get along with, whose demeanor might be the opposite of mine.

Friday, I found out that Gramps doesn't have too much time left to live. Why do we choose to talk about such personal things on an internet website? Maybe it's because in the solitude of our own private little rooms of our private little homes we can express things we'd be too scared or uncomfortable to share in person. I can't help but think what an incredible gift it is for those of us who love him to have a time to say all those things we need to say to him.

Have I taken my grandfather for granted all these years? I sure hope not, I hope these next months are not simply a chance to make up lost time. I'd like to think that none of the 27 years I've known him has been lost time, even as I've lived far apart from. him, acquired tastes & interests that may be far from his own. I'd like to think that I've always taken his opinions & suggestions to heart, even though deep down I know I haven't.

My grandpa has always been the type of person to dare greatness of those close to him. I know he's done so with me, even though I'm not sure I possess it. Maybe his death will change that, or maybe his death will simply remind me of the love he showed me, how he always loved to find a lesson to teach in any activity, or of the way he now gently speaks to his great-grandchildren, or of the way he loved my mother who loved me just the same. This brings me back to the point of Uncle Mark's sermon, which is that the only thing that never changes is God's love for us, that he should send His Son to die for us to save us from our sins. I love you, gramps, stick around for a while, won't you?

Do not go gentle into that good night
by Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,

Because their words had forked no lightning they

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright

Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,

And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight

Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,

Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

From The Poems of Dylan Thomas, published by New Directions. Copyright © 1952, 1953 Dylan Thomas. Copyright © 1937, 1945, 1955, 1962, 1966, 1967 the Trustees for the Copyrights of Dylan Thomas. Copyright © 1938, 1939, 1943, 1946, 1971 New Directions Publishing Corp. Used with permission.

Five Favorite Songs of the Day

Every Grain of Sand-Bob Dylan, Wembley 2003

in the fury of the moment, I can see the master's hand
in every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand

Changing of the Guards-Bob Dylan, Street Legal

Since I've Been Around-the Waifs

Summersong-the Decemeberists, the Crane Wife

I'll Remember You-Bob Dylan, Detroit, 2005

Happy Monday, friends!



Christie said...

I think that this was one of your most beautifully written blogs. You can really tell how much you love your grandfather and family. I know your grandpa would appreciate this.

Dan Van said...

Way to go Andy You allways have a way of keeping things in check

Mary said...

Andy I think you always give your Grandpa your best. This past Christmas a snap shot in my mind is of you sitting by Earl intently listening to one of his stories. I wish I would have had a camera to capture the moment

Joyce said...

Personally, I blog about personal things because I know it is a record or a journal that someday a grandchild of maybe a great- grandchild might be interested in reading. My mother's journals mean a great deal to me these days.
Andrew, I read your greatness. Thank-you.

Pam said...

Andy, I love you for putting into words the feelings that I have, but am having a hard time saying.

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Grand Haven, Michigan
the sun shines on a dog's ass every now & then...